Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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