Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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