I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
