Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
someone owes me an orgasm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
