trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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