our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
