Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
