how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
