how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
