i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
