I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
