I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize