Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
