I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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