it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
