Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
