Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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