whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
