guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All the doctor said was why
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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