I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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