she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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