dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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