Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
