I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
operation harelip BJ is a go
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
