I'm going to jail i love you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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