Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
