And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
