i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
