dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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