i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
