did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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