I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
