I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
