he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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