i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize