dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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