One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
