I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
