I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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