hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
