Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
