i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
