the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
