I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
