I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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