im drinking this country out of the recession.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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