pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
