I have demons in me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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