You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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