yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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