a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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