am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
