he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
