please come you make the beer taste better
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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