Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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