She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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