You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
