You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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