Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
