so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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