Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
