dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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