So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
