I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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