My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
